Seeing your Shadows ✨ 👤

Hey friends,

Happy Weekend! Hope everyone is doing OK! Change of scene for my writing today – watching some families doing a fun 5K run in pink shirts by the river while I replace my Matcha for a glass of Rose, at one of the spots Mocha & I would sometime frequent, especially when she was much younger – happier memories. 😄

Today's post is me writing from my stream of consciousness. I was thinking of so many topics that were probably a bit more heavier for a Rose evening! So in the spirit of flowing, I wanted to share something that I've been working on and relate it to this cultural moment with this really "green flag" show Nobody Wants This on Netflix. And if I may, I am manifesting Adam Brody/Noah on my vision board 😛🔮

This post is not about the show or my opinion of it (spoiler - I LOVEEED it). This is more about connecting this with some themes that I feel are so needed in today's modern relationships — awareness of your own shadows; awareness of your own trauma and the contributions that has on your inner programming and belief system and how even opposing worlds can find a soft, nurturing space that is healthy, vulnerable. This is team work till the end, with the not-giving-up-on-you kinda energy.

So grab your drink and let's have a little chat. 🥂

Inquiry - Down the rabbit hole 🐇

Let me start with a question.

If I were to ask you to close your eyes and think for a few minutes and answer these questions:

What are 2-3 ideas that you feel are central to your value system i.e. things you believe in; "your way" of doing things; could be your approach to life — like how you think of family, marriage etc; your opinion about what matters the most in relationships. What would it be? Ask yourself.
Now think about why you feel this way? Is it truly your personal belief system or is it handed down by your parents; did something happen that triggered you to think this way; what is the core experience that is central to this belief system.

What comes up? Is it something that you were aware of from before?
Does something uncomfortable come up, that you are afraid to scratch the surface of?
Or is it something you've been aware of and perhaps even working on...

So, what's your trauma? 💭

Because I am speaking from the context of this show, lets focus on relationships for a second and explore that. In this show, we have two opposite forces who are drawn to each other, and while on paper and within families are being torn apart, truly understand their own shadows and what dysfunction they bring to party and are respectfully working through it.

There is honesty, openness, no sense of hierarchy, no belittling, no sense of superiority – it's totally I-have-your-back energy.

When I think about this and relay it with some anecdotes from what I have seen around me, this is truly a unicorn story. And what I see that works here is two things: 1) Awareness and 2) Intention.

Both families have their own "dysfunctions" and there is (as there always is), one family that wants to trump the other. Instead of the male lead who could just allow for this to happen, which would damage trust and love with his partner, draws boundaries and creates an environment and space for his partner to figure out her own path. There is awareness on what's "not OK behavior" from his parents and there is complete acknowledgement about the issues right from the start.

Now picture this for a moment.

What if the male lead did not care that his parents are hierarchical and are acting with a superiority complex; what if he just lets his partner meet his mother alone who tries to challenge her way of life and creates drama and conflict; what if the male lead chooses to not stand by or protect his partner and in fact joins the hate train with his parents; and then totally abandons his partner – maybe breadcrumbs her for months saying he is "thinking about the future", causing her mental downfall while he openly meets other people and their family crucifies the girl, and pretended she never existed.

Extreme I know - But that's the point.

Now, see the opposite approach on both the scenes. The characters are the same. The families are the same. What drives the change is ownership and accountability from the side that adds the "pressure" of following their way of thinking. Awareness of the generational trauma and belief systems that we all carry! Understanding that your family could be toxic. Understanding that the programming from your parents on the way you treat your partner through tough times could be absolutely wrong. Understanding that perceptions and projections are personal and not true to the person being considered.

This scene really got me. Imagine someone having your back despite knowing that you're strong cause you had to be. Of bringing the safety in a relationship, so you can truly let yourself be and be in your feminine energy.

Followed by the consistent intention that we are working through it, together.

This show was such a beautiful and funny representation of thriving amidst childhood programs and belief systems we are running consicously or unconsciously.

Have you watched the show yet? I don't want to share too much if you haven't but I loved how mature and relevant this is and sometimes in the race to show other people how much we have; and who is "winning" in this race of life; we forget to be humans first; we forget to understand and admit what pain we have caused to our partners we promised forever to; and we forget that to be human, you have to have the courage to show up in real life, see people in the eye and own up to what went by.

I hope you enjoyed the provocations and I hope you get time to watch this show! 😄

Here are a few things I have been reading/watching/listening to lately:

Love
Suchi & Mocha (always in spirit 😇)